As I stand in the midst of what feels like the most significant moment of my life so far, the weight of anticipation and uncertainty is weighing heavily upon me. For four long years, I’ve poured my heart and soul into school, extracurriculars, and sacrificing countless hours of sleep, hanging out with my friends, and sometimes even sanity, all in pursuit of this – the moments when the emails from colleges and universities would arrive in my inbox, delivering a decision on my future.
But now that moment is here, and with it comes so many emotions that have begun to overwhelm me. As I frantically click on my application portals, my heart races with hope, excitement, and fear, only to break with disappointment or soar with joy with each acceptance or rejection.
In the middle of this emotional rollercoaster, I find myself struggling to manage so many conflicting feelings. There’s the bitter feeling of rejection, the fear that maybe I’m not good enough, the powerlessness of this seemingly random process, and a sense of frustration at the uncertainty of it all. Yet, with these negative emotions are glimpses of joy – joy at the realization that all my hard work has paid off, joy at the hope of new adventures and opportunities waiting just around the corner.
But even as I navigate these complex feelings and emotions, I am aware of the future that lies ahead – the fact that soon I’ll be an adult and will be making decisions that will shape the course of my life for years to come. I’m anticipating the logistics of possibly moving away from home, facing tuition and living expenses, finding a job in an increasingly competitive market, and building a whole new life.
In the face of such overwhelming uncertainty, it’s very easy to fall into fear and doubt, to feel like I’m stuck in a world moving too fast for me to keep up. But a few weeks ago, while reading my devotional, I came across these two bible verses: Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take” (NLT Version), and Jeremiah 29:11, where it says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope’” (NLT Version).
And so, even as I am struggling to navigate through the uncertainty of the future, I find a deep peace in the knowledge that I am not alone. I may not know what lies ahead, but I know that I can trust in a God who holds my future in his hands, a God who promises to guide me and lead me on the path that is best for me.
So, as I embark on this new chapter of my life, I do so with a mixture of fear and excitement, uncertainty and hope. But above all, I do so with a newfound trust in the God who has brought me this far and who promises to lead me safely into the future, one day at a time.
Lauryn Singh is a senior in high school and enjoys building community and spending time with her loved ones.