It was 4 Days with Jesus at La Sierra University Church, April 2015. As I walked into the sanctuary that Silent Sabbath afternoon, I felt like Jesus carrying the cross to Golgotha. My feet dragged, my head bowed, bent, burdened. Would I find relief on this Silent Sabbath?
Two months prior, life had turned upside down. In a moment, I had discovered falsehood, a cover-up in a trusted relationship. The shock completely overwhelmed me. Over the following days and weeks, it took effort to move. Looking in the mirror, I could only groan at my reflection. Was it really me experiencing this torture? Yes, I had been betrayed. No other word for it. Betrayed.
Betrayed. Hmmm… yes, that’s what had brought Jesus to his Silent Sabbath too. Were it not for Judas’ betrayal two days earlier, Jesus would not have silently rested in the grave that Sabbath. Judas also had been in a trusted relationship with Jesus. One of the 12 in Jesus’ inner circle, Judas had spent days in normal life routines around Jesus as the group moved in-step with Jesus’ ministry. Beyond “normal” life, Judas had heard Jesus’ teaching, seen the miracles, and probably eaten the miracle bread and fish. No doubt he was also part of those private moments after the crowds had gone when Jesus could answer questions and expound more fully the teachings he had given earlier. Judas had experienced everything necessary to love and accept Jesus as Messiah and Savior.
And yet, Judas turned his back on Jesus and pursued the path of handing Jesus over to the authorities who wanted him captured. Betrayal.
As I sat in the sanctuary on Silent Sabbath, thoughts of Judas and Jesus filled my mind. Judas had done an unspeakable act in turning over his Teacher/Friend/Savior to authorities. And how did the Betrayee respond? Was he angry, seeking revenge and justice for this wrong?
How did Jesus treat Judas? This basic question slowly and clearly took over my thought focus. Jesus/me—victims. And how did Jesus treat his betrayer? Could his example lift me out of my abyss?
In the silence of the church, I reviewed those scenes leading up to the Crucifixion. Thursday night, Passover supper. Jesus washed the feet of all the disciples, not only those loyal to him. He passed around the cup, and said, “Take this and divide it among you” (Luke 22:17, NIV). The Passover bread followed. The betrayer ate and drank along with the other disciples. However, at some point, Jesus to the group, “One of you will betray me” (Matthew 26:20). But he gave no further details until the disciples asked, “Surely not I?” (verse 22).
It was as though Jesus didn’t want anyone else to know about the betrayal except the one DOING the betrayal. It almost seemed as if he were protecting Judas, wanting to avoid embarrassing him. Was he hoping for a last-minute change of heart?
Eventually Jesus became more direct and said to Judas, “What you are about to do, do quickly” (John 13:27). But John’s account also notes that no one understood what Jesus meant, thus sparing Judas of any ill will or suspicions. Jesus protected his reputation and standing in the group. Perhaps Jesus also wanted to spare the disciples any more disappointment and shock than what they were already bearing and would soon overwhelm them.
As I dwelt on Jesus’ actions and attitude toward his betrayer, my own heart started to change. My betrayer hadn’t delivered me up to death. How could I NOT follow the example of Jesus, the Person I claim as my Savior, who exhibited only compassion toward his betrayer?
I also had to ask this question: how does Jesus treat me, a follower who often denies him by my words and actions? I’m a betrayer too! My love is so inadequate and vacillating compared to his unwavering love and mercy. Just think how he treats me every day! “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23, NIV). As I pondered Jesus’ treatment of me, I saw more and more clearly that I in turn must forgive and even love my betrayer. If I wanted to walk with Jesus, I had to walk with my betrayer too.
Silent Sabbath 2015 marked a turning point in my life. I praise God for those moments of epiphany in the quiet, dark sanctuary, moments that showed clearly the unfathomable, amazing love and forgiveness God offers each one of us and that we in turn are invited to extend to others.
Candace Jorgensen lives in Riverside where she enjoys helping newcomers adjust to life in the United States.