When evening came, Jesus arrived with the Twelve. While they were reclining at the table eating, he said, “Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me – one who is eating with me.” They were saddened, and one by one they said to him, “Surely you don’t mean me?”
“It is one of the Twelve,” he replied, “one who dips bread into the bowl with me. The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.
Mark 14:17-21 NIV
When was the last time you hosted or attended a party? Maybe you just had a birthday, reunited with distant family members, or celebrated a new job, a passing grade, or the end of a week. Or maybe you are looking forward to a future party! Parties are often filled with loved ones sharing joy, memories, good food, and hugs.
In Mark 14, Jesus and his disciples celebrate the Passover. The Passover was a celebration to remember the Exodus, when God rescued the Israelites from their slavery in Egypt. Specifically, God “passed over” and saved them from the 10th plague – the death of firstborn sons and livestock (Exodus 11).
I wonder if the disciples experienced more joy at this event now that the Messiah was here, sitting and eating with them. What joy they must have experienced to see Him and to look forward to God’s great rescue plan!
For many parties, there are unspoken rules. Only certain memories and stories can be told. There are restricted conversation topics, and heavy emotional life events are unspoken or reduced to a short sentence. I can only imagine how surprised the disciples were when Jesus broke an unspoken party rule and said, “One of you will betray me.” The tone of the dinner shifts, and, as different Bible translations say, the disciples were saddened, grieved, and distressed.
Maybe the disciples covered their surprise as they looked at each other. Jesus’ words are heavy in more ways than one. Jesus’ words remind the disciples about a song from David that they may not have wanted to remember: “Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me” (Psalm 41). These are the closest of friends, with a connection built on trust and faith. The disciples had walked together as a group and traveled to new neighborhoods and countries. How could a best friend sabotage everything? Perhaps they began to question each other, and maybe they already had someone in mind to accuse. Through the repetition of “Surely, you don’t mean me?” I imagine that each disciple looked to Jesus to get some reassurance that it wasn’t him. A wink, a nod, a smile, anything.
This phrase stands out to me because it is a question that I unknowingly ask again and again. “Surely, you don’t mean me?” I ask when I read about believers with hardened hearts. “Surely, you don’t mean me?” when I debate if I should extend grace when I am hurt. “Surely, you don’t mean me?” I join the chorus as I place myself in the same room as the disciples.
To be honest, these verses and this particular question make me uncomfortable. And I am even more uncomfortable that the answer is “Yes.” But it is often in the uncomfortable when faith expands. So, today, let us sit in the uncomfortable chapters leading us to the cross.
Caitlyn Ruiz teaches writing at La Sierra University. She and her husband Alex are very tired parents to their lovely daughter Lucy.