“Just as Jesus bore the scars of his death, may the words of my past have a redeemed place in my future.”
“If you could go to a point in your past, what would you do differently?” These are the kind of musings I come up with on my way to work every morning. My daughter thinks I should record myself and start a podcast. My son, who is not a morning person, would rather not exert brain energy on such philosophical and teleological discussions. On a recent commute when I asked the question, he barely looked up and without pausing to think, he answered, “I wouldn’t want to go back in time because I already lived it so it would be a waste of time.” He then closed his tired eyes and put on his earbuds, a clear sign that the philosophical exchange was over.
The reason why I brought it up in the first place was based on a weird dream I had that previous night. I dreamt that a school bus had dropped me off in front of my old middle school in Redlands. It was weird because, rather than being a kid again, I was an adult, gray hair and all. However, I wasn’t there to be a teacher, which is what I do for a living; I was going to redo middle school as an adult! “Awesome,” I thought. “I get to do something over again, but with the knowledge I already have.” I would get to do better academically, not get suspended and uninvited to the end of the year trip, and probably play every sport and be a star. Like most people who experienced it, middle school for me was very awkward, full of insecurities, and not the highlight of my life. My son skipped 8th grade so what did he care?
The concept of going to the past and changing things appeals to humans because, in hindsight, everything seems more clear. What if we could avoid trouble that set us back? How about if we did things that hurt people and we could go back and change it? What if we could turn our regrets into personal victories?
From a global perspective, how many historical tragedies might have been avoided if some otherworldly wisdom had interceded? How many lives might be saved if we applied a future knowledge of events? Although these thinking exercises can be fun, the reality is that what is done is done. And there is a reason for that.
The concept of forgiveness is the most scriptural and hope-filled idea that Christians can grab onto. Forgiveness does not erase our past or pretend that it did not happen. Forgiveness is an act of giving and receiving and it is inevitably intertwined with our past (Matthew 6:12). Jesus’ scars, as they seemed to the disciples when He appeared to them, are a constant reminder that forgiveness has a cost and it bears a burden.
Most people do not want to visit the past in their imaginations, memories, or even as a thought exercise. It might be too painful or even too inconsequential. Most people desire to look towards the future and try to be different or do something better when a similar opportunity presents itself. No one wants to dwell in regrets.
That is why this prayer is so special. It simultaneously invokes the past, as it looks towards the future. The words that stand out to me are “words” and “redeemed.”
None of our memories from the past may be described without words and, even if someone draws something from their past, it would be translated into words (thoughts) by the person who sees it. So our words have the power of redeeming our future.
Ouch, can I go back and get a chance at a redo? It would not matter because redemption is all about my future and it will never dwell in my past.
The day my beautiful mother passed away a few years ago, she told me that I was the best son any mother could have. I jokingly quipped, “What about all of the bad things I did when I was a kid and a youth?” She replied in the most Jesus-like way I could ever hope for when she said, “I have forgotten all the bad things you have done.”
Either by choice or by nature, God forgets all of our mistakes and redeems our future. There is no point in going into the past when our direction carries us forward. And that is who God is.
Fabian Carballo is a US Government and Political Science teacher and he enjoys spending time with his family, playing soccer, traveling, and taking photos of the family cat.
These reflections stand alone, but if you want to enjoy the prayers from May It Be So that they’re based on, please click here to request a copy of the book.