Forgiveness can be one of the hardest things you have to do on your journey to growth and peace. I think I can say I’m a work in progress in that respect. I have learned that if I hold on to hurt, pain, resentment, and anger, it harms me more than it harms the offender.
I was 11 years old when my parents’ relationship came tumbling down, leaving me with a feeling of disgust towards my father. How could I love this person anymore? He was supposed to be all-powerful, the source of all good things in our lives, the provider of security and structure. How could he be unfaithful to my mother?
My heart was closed shut for any feelings other than resentment and anger towards the person that had been until then my hero, the person who had sat with me and patiently taught me how to read and the wonder of numbers, who had instilled in me the love of nature and the ocean (we could swim and splash against the waves for hours), who read Bible stories and prayed with me and for me.
When pedestals are tall, a single fall is monumental. Although my parents’ relationship mended quickly (He really repented and asked for forgiveness. My mother did forgive him and they lived the rest of their lives together.), for me, on the other hand, it took a long time to confess the resentment I had for my father.
Finally, by the grace of God, I understood that my father was a human being, subject to faults, the same as anybody else, and I needed to forgive him too. The Word of God kept reminding me that “We all fall short of the Glory of God” and we all need God’s forgiveness.
As I mentioned, it took me a long time to get to the point that I forgave my father, and when I finally did, I felt free to see him as a fellow human with my same struggles and with the same opportunities of forgiveness that I wanted for myself. This resulted in the freedom to live in the present and enjoy his company.
Then, boom! The other side of the equation came out of nowhere. Guilt!
How could I forgive myself for so many years of resentment, so many lost opportunities to restore this important relationship, so much time wasted? Forgiving myself is one of the hardest things I’m learning to do.
We all struggle with guilt. Women especially tend to feel guilty when we do and when don’t, for being weak or too strong, for loving too much or not enough, and so on.
Again, like throughout my life, God’s Word came to my rescue. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” When wrestling with guilt, God reassured me of forgiveness. Not only does God forgive me, but God treats me as though I have never committed any sin.
May I not be defined by my guilt and resentment, but by the Word of God, is my prayer every day.
“For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more” (Hebrews 8:12).
In God’s great mercy, God erases my sin from his memory! And that gives me the peace that surpasses understanding.
Nim Alvarado is a fourth-generation Seventh-day Adventist who immigrated to the U.S.A. from Chile 50 years ago and ministers in Northern California. La Sierra University Church has been her church home away from home since her cousins, Frank and Nannerl Meza, moved to Riverside, CA, in 1990, and she enjoys following along online.
These reflections stand alone, but if you want to enjoy the prayers from May It Be So that they’re based on, please click here to request a copy of the book.