I let out a scream of frustration so loud everyone in the house could hear me. I got up and paced around my room like a caged lion, while at the same time taking deep breaths trying to calm down. I had been pushed to my limit and I was angry. I was so angry I couldn’t see straight.
After a few minutes of letting it all out, I finally calmed down. I sat back down at my desk and just stared at my computer screen. I could feel every breath of air entering and leaving my body. I could feel my heart beating fast as the adrenaline pumped through my veins. Yet my body was no longer reacting to the energy pulsing through it. It now sat still, as if waiting for the rest of me to do the same.
At the time, I was working for a tech company as a customer service representative that helped customers through chat. It was a remote position where I got to work from home. It was a thankless job where entitled customers got to say the meanest things to me all day. Not exactly the kind of job that boosts your self-esteem. I had just interacted with one of the worst customers you could ever imagine. He had said the meanest things a human being could say to another human being. He was so disrespectful I did the one thing I wasn’t supposed to do… I logged off in the middle of our conversation.
Yup, I straight up logged off in the middle of our chat, got up and screamed at the top of my lungs in my room. After I had calmed down, I just sat there in front of my computer staring at the screen. I was feeling a wave of overwhelming emotions all at once. I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I knew that something had to change. And I also knew that my supervisor was going to want to talk to me. Prior to this incident, I had been struggling with this job and I knew that this was going to be the tipping point.
Sure enough, my supervisor and I eventually had the talk, and we decided that working there wasn’t for me. I was relieved and devastated at the same time. Relieved because I wasn’t going to have to take the abuse of customers anymore. Devastated because I didn’t have anything lined up next. I hated to admit it but I was lost. And being lost at 45 years old is not for the faint of heart. It’s hard. Very hard.
This had happened to me before. There had been many moments in my life where I had tried career paths that didn’t work out for me. I was younger back then though. In my 20’s and 30’s I took big risks with my career choices because I knew that if I failed, I would have the time I needed to bounce back. And boy did I fail. More times than I can count. But this time was different. I wasn’t responsible for just me anymore. I had a beautiful family that I loved and wanted to take care of, a wife and a 7-year-old daughter. The weight of the world was on my shoulders, and it was heavier than it had ever been before in my whole life.
What was I going to do now? I was tired of picking the wrong career path. I was exhausted. So I did the one thing I always did when I was in a tough spot, I got down on my knees and prayed.
My whole life I thought that because my dad was a pastor, maybe that’s what God wanted me to do. And deep down in my heart I always felt that I was running away from that. So when I talked to God, I told Him, “I’ll do whatever You want.” I was done running away and if He wanted me to become a pastor, then that’s what I would do.
The moment I told Him that, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. It was an incredible feeling. I still didn’t know what was going to happen, but I wasn’t worried anymore. I just knew it was going to be alright because from then on, my career was in His hands. And if God wanted me to be a pastor, then He was going to put everything in my path to make it happen.
Within the next couple of weeks, I had a talk with a pastor friend and also another talk with my parents. I told them I was thinking of becoming a pastor and asked them for their opinions. I figured that by having these conversations, it could be a way that God could speak to me. They were good conversations, but I was surprised not to get the definite “yes” I was expecting.
Shortly after that I was at my brother’s house with my family and friends. A friend I was talking to all of a sudden looked at me and told me that I would be good at marketing and developing relationships for his company and that he wanted me to work with him. Something about that moment felt right. When I got home I prayed about it. Is this what God wanted me to do?
For the past 3 years, it’s been the best job I’ve ever had. My friend was right. Even though I had never had the opportunity to have a job like that before, I was naturally good at it. I’ve helped him grow his company every year by developing relationships with people in the industry. It’s given me the opportunity to believe in myself. And it’s given me the chance to dream again.
Ironic, isn’t it? To be honest, I thought that by telling God I was willing to be a pastor that I was giving up on my dreams of one day having a fulfilling career. But I was wrong. God didn’t want to take away any of my dreams. He just wanted me to trust Him completely, with all my heart.
What are you not trusting God with today because you think you know God’s answer and it’s not the answer you want to hear?
I think that if you give God a chance, and trust Him, He might just surprise you. Trust God completely and see what happens. If you need a reminder from the Bible, one of my favorite memory verses is: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Jay Soria is a marketing executive who’s passionate about faith, family, and finding purpose in unexpected places.