While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came by. When she saw Peter warming himself, she looked closely at him. “You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus,” she said. But he denied it. “I don’t know or understand what you’re talking about,” he said, and went out into the entryway. When the servant girl saw him there, she said again to those standing around, “This fellow is one of them.” Again he denied it. After a little while, those standing near said to Peter, “Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” He began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know this man you’re talking about.” Immediately the rooster crowed the second time. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows twice you will disown me three times.” And he broke down and wept.
Mark 14:66-72 NIV
The description, “warming himself,” immediately tugged on my own human heart. The second read evoked a sense of vulnerability, as Peter sought out comfort in physical warmth while wrestling with inner turmoil. This is where self-preservation and fear seem to start emerging.
Not too long ago, my home’s water heater went out. The process of ordering a new approved water heater and getting all the appointments set for installation, took us around two months. I found myself preparing for showers a few hours in advance. I would catch myself washing my hands with hot water every chance I got, just letting the warm water stream down my hands for longer than usual. What a different reality – like magic – one turn of the knob to the left, and awe – warm water. As the gentleman from the gas company was checking the installation, we spoke about changes in generations. “Human nature never lies,” his words echoed. He suggested giving that advice to other generations. I smiled and couldn’t help but think of Peter. I realized that when safety, certainty, and or comfort are removed, what remains are human beings motivated by human nature.
Jesus understood Peter’s longing for a tangible kind of warmth, as well as his deep fear. Just as Lia Kritzinger beautifully and candidly pointed out in her reflection on the Garden of Gethsemane on March 22, Jesus felt great anguish, a great sorrow that we can see in his plea to God, crying out “’Abba, Father,’ he said, ‘Everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me, Yet not what I will, but what you will’” (Mark 14:36).
Peter’s reality was shattering in real time, and his actions can be seen as coping mechanisms. We see the contrast between his outward actions and the weight of his impending betrayal, emphasizing the complexity of human emotions and the struggle between fear and loyalty.
As I read, “You will disown me,” it stood out to me because it sounds so bold. I wondered, “Why did Jesus make this prediction or prophecy?” And I honestly believe Peter was even more confused when he heard it. But I appreciated also reading about this moment in the Gospel of Luke. In Luke 22:31-34, Jesus tells Peter, “Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.” It is very clear in Peter’s response how committed he felt towards Jesus, replying, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.”
Something here took me by surprise. I noticed that Jesus did not tell Peter that he would prevent or block the “sifting process.” He simply tells him, “But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:32). WOW! This interaction reveals to me Jesus’ focus on growth and grace, even in the face of human weakness. This has also shown me in my personal life, the importance of having friends that don’t just pray with you but pray for you.
“And he broke down and wept” (Mark 14:72). Peter broke down and wept. Why did Peter find himself in the courtyard in the first place? That is when it struck me – Peter was the only one willing to follow Jesus this closely after the arrest. The last one to choose self-preservation or safety, he was the disciple who saw himself as a soldier ready to die for Jesus. But as his own safety came into question, he rejected his identity in Jesus and he fled. Realizing you have acted in a way that you promised you never would can really shake the way you view yourself. I can empathize with Peter here; he must have felt a wave of self-hatred, shame, and pain washing over him. I believe Peter desired forgiveness and that is why he broke down and wept.
Reflecting on Peter’s life I wonder, “Did Jesus really forgive Peter’s denial?” And I found my answer – “YES!” After the resurrection, the first person Jesus sought out to find was Peter. Right after Peter assures his love towards Jesus for the third time, Jesus replies, “Feed my sheep” (John 21:17). This tells me that Jesus had already forgiven Peter, as Jesus entrusted him to be one of the leaders of his church.
I also see something much deeper happening here. This occasion resembled the night Peter denied Jesus. The cold, the fire, and Jesus asking Peter three times. “Do you love me?” This mirrors memory reconsolidation. Jesus allows Peter’s past fear to be re-encoded within a new, safe environment so he can process his shame and trauma. This is Peter’s transformation towards restoring his identity in Christ. He can move from a state of fear to one of renewed purpose. What a gracious Lord we serve! He is empathetic towards us in our traumatic experiences, and uses what is supposed to destroy us for the sake of the Kingdom of God! I pray God works through my imperfect life, as Jesus did with imperfect disciples and believers. And may God use all of us to remind each other of the power of God’s love and forgiveness.
Amen!
Rosie Phillips is a proud mother to Jovanni, a junior in high school. When she isn’t working at the church office, she enjoys scrapbooking and journaling.