Dear Jesus,
This is the first time I have ever written You a letter. I want You to know that for most of my life, my prayers have been about telling You what I think I need. I remember, at six years old, asking for a bride doll; that was the most essential thing in my life at that time. Since I didn’t believe in Santa, You were my only option when Christmas came around. Thanks to my mother’s creative sewing skills, I got my bride doll. Do You remember my request for wooden spoons when I got to heaven? Of course, You do! Why am I even asking? I’m sure you’ve noticed my rather large collection of wooden spoons displayed on the walls in my kitchen.
Although I don’t believe in Santa, I often treated You like a celestial Santa Claus. When I can’t find my phone or my car keys, I usually end up begging for Your help. On a more serious note, much of my prayer life has been about informing You of what I need You to do for me. I recall having a temper tantrum once because I wasn’t getting what I wanted. I pounded the furniture with a pillow until feathers flew all over the room. That is one prayer I knew You heard. Clearly, You accepted my anger and didn’t turn Your back on me. The pain that triggered that outburst took years to heal, but You never left me.
I have come to accept that You truly love me. I don’t mean this in an intellectual way; I feel it deeply when I look at the roses blooming in my yard. I see it in the eyes of a friend, and when my little dog snuggles up to my leg, I thank You. I am learning to talk to You and to listen to what You want to say. My desires will be met with what You know I need. As I walk the halls of the hospital as a volunteer chaplain, I am learning to trust You to guide me and provide the words to say. The Psalmist was right. You have led me in paths of righteousness, and my cup overflows.
From Your loving sheep,
Barbara
P.S. I would like to make those wooden spoons, but I don’t want to kill a tree to get the wood. Do You think I could learn to work with clay instead?
Barbara Djordjevic is grateful and humbled to serve as a volunteer chaplain at the Desert Regional Medical Center in Palm Springs.