Day 19 – Mission

Leaving my home one afternoon, I thought I was on a mission to feed the lonely soul of another. It turned out I was about to make some surprising discoveries I needed for my own soul.

It was a crisp autumn day when I pulled up and parked in front of an unusual blue stucco home in my neighborhood. I had walked by this home nearly every day on my pilgrimage to enjoy the first rays of sunlight each morning. The architecture is different from other homes in our area. Its curves, niches, and red-tiled roof give the impression it was built in another country. Soon I would go inside and discover the person who had built it with her homeland in mind. Soon I would be invited into the life of my elderly, newly-widowed neighbor, Dora.

I had casually met Dora on one of my walks. She was outside struggling to prune a very large, tall bougainvillea. I stopped and introduced myself and offered to bring my husband back to prune it for her. Graciously she accepted my help and we shared a bit of small talk. She invited me in for coffee, but I was in a hurry to get home that day and told her I’d take a rain check. When we came back to prune she wasn’t home so my husband did the work for her and we left, hoping she’d be pleased.

A few weeks later her next-door neighbor greeted me as I walked by their homes and we began to chat. She mentioned that Dora’s husband had just passed away. I learned she was 82 and that her only son had tragically died years earlier. My heart grew heavy for her, suddenly alone and elderly. I imagined she was grieving, lonely, and in need of friendship.

I thought of her invitation for coffee a while back and my heartstrings longed to reach out to her. I prayed for her each time I walked by her home. I hoped she would come outside as I passed by so we could connect again. I felt it was my mission to reach out to this woman in her need and I hoped for another chance. I conjured up notions of who she was and what she might be needing based on perceptions and stereotypes, although in truth I didn’t know her or what she might actually be needing at all.

I kept walking by her home each morning until one day she appeared outside and once again invited me for coffee. This time I eagerly accepted her offer, and we set a date. I still thought I was going on a mission of mercy and outreach to this lonely widow, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.

From the minute she opened the door, I realized my assumptions about her and her life were very wrong indeed. In reality, despite her losses, Dora’s life was rich and full and every corner of her home told her story. After warmly inviting me in, she began to show me around her unique and brightly-decorated home. It was brimming with lovely, vibrant oil paintings she had painted herself that reflected scenes from her homeland, Columbia.

I found out that Dora had immigrated to the United States as a young woman and had worked very hard to learn English and become successful in this country. She had married a man she loved, and they had built this home together. Every corner reflected her culture, her love for beauty, bright colors, and greenery. Yes, she was sad to have lost her love, but she was even more determined to live her remaining life to the fullest. Much to my surprise, her life was full of friends, activities, and joy.

Dora had written and published a book on positive thinking which she showed me with pride. She reminded me that our mindset determines our lives. She lives by positive thinking and teaches it to others. She continues to hold book clubs at her home, for which she studies and prepares like a professor, and she is an avid reader.

When I told her I had good intentions to read more, but found myself failing to make the time, she looked into my eyes and suggested that maybe I needed more balance in my life. As we continued to talk, my heart felt more and more surprised and convicted at the same time. I thought I had gone there for her, but more and more it seemed God had drawn me there for me.

As she shared, I learned about so many facets of Dora’s life and talents. When I commented that I wish I could paint like her she offered to teach me, telling me of others she had taught to paint.

I also discovered she is an excellent dancer, known for her skills in Latin dance. She never misses a dance in our area. She offered to teach me Latin dance as well. I reflected on the fact that she had so many things to teach me.

Dora spoke of her huge circle of friends and how they join her in adventures and travel. Dora was not lonely and did not even come close to all the stereotypes and perceptions I had projected onto her. Getting to know her, I was reminded how much I need to cultivate more friendship and hobbies in my life. I could see Dora was right; my life needed more balance to carve out time for reading, art, and joy. Moreover, I was reminded that all too often I make assumptions about others based on flimsy stereotypes, rather than taking the time to genuinely know them.

I have been reflecting on this experience and found that this prayer from our book, May It Be So, spoke directly into my experience. ”May I never trade in my perceptions of others for knowing who they truly are.”