When he noticed how the guests chose the places of honor, he told them a parable. “When you are invited by someone to a wedding banquet, do not sit down at the place of honor, in case someone more distinguished than you has been invited by your host; and the host who invited both of you may come and say to you, ‘Give this person your place,’ and then in disgrace you would start to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit down at the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher’; then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at the table with you. For all who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” —Luke 14:7-11 (NRSV)
By now, you might have heard the term “Lean In,” coined by Sheryl Sandburg. If you haven’t, it means to grab opportunities without hesitation. It’s a message aimed at helping women achieve their ambitions, especially in workspaces where this doesn’t come easily. When the book came out a few years ago, I was starting a new job and Lean In was an important message for me. As well as taking the phrase as a metaphor, the book encourages women to literally take a seat at the conference table versus settling for a chair at the back of the room.
When I sat down to read and reflect on this wedding feast seating arrangement and etiquette parable, I immediately wondered if there were conflicting messages between the parable and leaning in. Is this parable only about wedding feasts? Does it translate to work meetings and conferences? Is the parable telling women to do the exact opposite of what this empowering book is saying? What if it’s a board meeting for a non-profit organization? Would that change things? What if I alternate weeks; I’ll take a seat at the front this week, but then sit in the back next week? Somehow I don’t think that’s quite what Jesus is getting at . . .
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that both pieces of guidance, the ancient parable and the contemporary best-seller, meet in the idea of awareness. It’s important to be aware of what and who are around you no matter the setting. With awareness, I might ask questions like: Am I in a space where I should be lifting someone else up, celebrating them, and supporting them? Is this an opportunity to someone else the seat of honor? A lot of the time the answer is, “of course!”
But the thing that I like the most about parables is that it gives you an opportunity to try on many points of view from the characters in the story. Which means that other times I might be the recipient of someone’s making space for me to lean in. So to take the reflection one step further: How many times have I thought about who has given up their seat for me or created room for me to be in a space or conversation? How often have I recognized and been grateful for those who have lifted me up, celebrated, and supported me?
The answer is that either way, being a seat giver or taker, there is an opportunity to exercise humility, be aware of others, and be humble.
Kelly Straine lives and works in Riverside and does not normally write blog articles.