Dear Jesus,
I used to believe this with all my heart and soul: “Everything happens for a reason.” When something not-so-good happened, I could always work my way back to a reason.
That is, until I experienced firsthand some of the hardest times of my life. Over the past four years, I’ve lost both my parents and my stepdad, plus a few other family members. Without a doubt, losing my mom has been the most difficult and painful experience I have ever gone through. 2020 to 2021 was the darkest period of my life. I thought I couldn’t go on and honestly did not care if I did. There MUST be something good that will come out of this, right?! Jesus, can you hear me?
Fast forward to 2024, and I’m still here. Even in the times I thought I wouldn’t make it, you were right there with me, even if I didn’t always notice it. After experiencing such grief, I am starting to see some good that you have brought out of my situation.
For some crazy reason, you provided me the strength and courage to help start GriefShare at our La Sierra University Church. Me! Someone who is an introvert, has anxiety, is socially awkward, and is super shy. If I had never lost my mom, I would never have even known about GriefShare. Now I can see that I have helped some people navigate their own unique grief journeys. To be a part of that is a good feeling. I wish my mom could see how much I’ve grown.
We just had our “Surviving the Holidays” event and only four of us attended. But it was so nice. The friendships and bonding really warmed my heart. One person came who had attended only part of our previous GriefShare sessions. I have felt a strong urge to text her every now and then to check-in, and I invited her. I’m glad I did. You could tell she really needed extra support during this season. I am glad we were there to support her and provide her with resources. I know this was your way of working through me. Thank you.
Reaching out to you helped me realize the answer that I was looking for. Instead of being stuck, and drowning in my grief, I was able to get some air and find that part of healing myself is helping others through their own grief. I have learned that I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.
Thank you, Jesus, for being by my side and helping me realize that inner strength and resiliency was there in me all along. Some of these realizations have come in the form of family, friends, small groups, and therapy. Thank you for providing me with these resources. Thank you for helping me come to the realization that I will grieve my mom for the rest of my life, and that is okay. Through it all, even in my darkest times, I know you have stayed by me. Your love has provided me with the physical and mental strength to pull myself out of my dark places. Thank you for always listening to me, even when I repeat myself a thousand times.
Emiley Parra is an Accounting Clerk at the La Sierra University Church, a wife, and the mother of two teenagers, who enjoys cooking, reading horror books, watching horror movies, and spending time with her dog, “Toast.”