Dear Jesus,
Can I have a break? Please? At this point, I feel like begging for one. I don’t know how much longer I can manage all of the things in my life that I have to do. The responsibilities I have are killing me, and I feel like everything I’m trying to hold up is about to fall to the floor and shatter. I’m trying to do the most for my school, my friends, my sports teams, and my academic future, but can you make this workload easier?
I know you are giving me a break, in the form of Christmas and the time off because of it, but it doesn’t feel like enough. In the new year, all of this will start again. I’ll go back to being sleep-deprived and overworked, frustrated and ever-busy, sore and tired. I’ll go back to doing good things but not the things I want. I’ll go back to never having time to relax or time to work on myself. Once this season is over, everything will be the same.
So can I have it easier, please? Can the pressures of school, sports, and community magically disappear? I am becoming a better person because of these things, of course, but they drain me so much that a lot of the time, doing what I do doesn’t seem worth it. Can I somehow be able to balance it all?
I know that you’ve given me so many opportunities, which is why I am so tired and busy. It is a gift to be able to play sports, challenge myself in school, and have communities that welcome my participation and ideas. I never want to take this for granted and I recognize that those around me have sacrificed their time and effort for me to have the life I do. I know that the hard things I have to do right now are supported and are not pointless. But I feel so overwhelmed and stressed all the time, and I feel lost on how to make the most of my life while not killing myself in the process.
So can I know what to do, please? Can you show me how to be the person I am trying to be? I’m doing my best right now, but sometimes I mess up and I feel like nobody wants me to be in the spaces I am in. How can I be the person who never lets up, who is everything good, and who does everything well all the time?
I know that you have already told me that I am enough, even though I am not perfect, but I find that hard to believe. I know that I can rely on you when I feel like I am failing, falling, or fizzling out, but sometimes I’m not confident you are there. You know my heart and you see me, but I don’t always feel seen. You love me anyway, and you always will, despite my complaints and frustrations, but I don’t know how to recognize that love. You acknowledge my efforts and have given me people to support my dreams, but sometimes I still feel all alone. I’m trying to do it all, but I’m still falling short.
So how can I trust that you are giving me a break, Jesus? How can I see that all I do is blessed by you? How can I trust that you will guide me, even if I feel lost, unworthy, or completely burnt out?
I’ve never asked you these things before. I never understood how, I suppose. But in this season of Advent, after another stressful year has passed, I’m asking you how to find peace and joy and love and comfort in the season that embodies all of these things.
When will I realize that I am asking for things that you have already given me? When will I realize that I have already opened the present you have left for me under the tree? When will I realize that I receive your gifts every single day?
Jesus, you are committed to me how I am committed to so many things in my life. Not knowing how to balance everything is okay because I still have my connection with you. Help me to see what you are trying to show me. Help me understand that all of the questions I ask of you, you answer. That answer, right now, seems to be, “Keep going. You will figure it out, and I will be with you.” Despite my stressors and commitments and pressures, I will believe in what you say and in the rest you always provide.
Nadia Brand is a junior at La Sierra Academy. She is looking forward to reading as many books as possible over Christmas break.