Dear Jesus,
I had to wonder why.
Was it not enough that I had TWO surgeries for my ONE cancer? Was it not enough that I had to go off my thyroid meds and go through radiation a year after surgery?
Did I have to get COVID really, REALLY bad? Was it not enough that I ended up with Long COVID and have still suffered daily with those symptoms for these last four years?
I had to switch jobs too because I couldn’t physically keep up anymore due to those symptoms. And here comes the last four years of financial issues raining down on my head.
God, why? I want to know why!
And then I have to reflect.
Maybe I got cancer so I could look my patients in the eye and say with 100% certainty that, “Yes, I understand what you are going through,” and give them someone in a hospital setting who knew their battle. Maybe that’s why my surgical scar is on the front of my neck, to share as a testimony.
Maybe I got COVID really bad so when others needed time off work I was able to help them navigate their Leave paperwork. Maybe I am daily suffering with Long COVID symptoms so when I see friends struggling through their medical issues I could relate to them, and we could share our suffering together.
Maybe I had to switch jobs to find out that You had prepared a job for me that was a word for word answer to prayer of what my ideal job would look like. So I would be surrounded by professionals who feed my mind.
Maybe these last four years happened so my walk with You, God, would be more genuine. I know I’ve talked to You way more now than I ever have before. I feel Your presence way more now than I ever have before.
No, You didn’t make me sick. But You took the bad in my life and gave it a different meaning. You took devastating things and let them be used to do good.
I still struggle daily, God. You know that. But I am on my knees, grateful that You love me.
I not only can feel that; I know it.
Arlene Biswas is an old-fashioned gal masquerading as a modern. She is a nurse, loves cats and dogs, and is a Disneyland fan-girl.