Brokenness. Broken. Hello, my name is Shannon. And I am a recovering perfectionist.
For a very long time, since I was a little girl really, I have loathed imperfection or untidiness, or doing things with mediocrity. I mean anything and everything. My bedroom was like a museum growing up, everything in its place. No ripped jeans or frayed hems for this girl. My notes were color-coded by subject and matched the folders and book covers. Straight A’s only and a B would make me cry. Oh, yes, perfection controlled my world.
Although it served me well, as I’ve matured and reflected, I’ve wondered how much it may have cost me. How much joy was sucked out of experiences? How many people did I intimidate with my ridiculous standards? How many felt pushed away because they thought I held imperfection against them? How much beauty may I have missed out on by not allowing things to flow around me? Did my own rigidity keep me from expanding and developing my greatness.
Brokenness is not an enemy to be vanquished. Without the breaking of bread, we do not grow closer to others, to family and friends that would keep us strong. Without the tearing of tissues, we do not build muscle mass and grow stronger. Without making holes and divots, life cannot spring from a seed. There is a whole art form around repairing pottery with precious metals to make it stronger than it originally was. Sometimes a little chaos creates an opportunity for a little wonder to emerge.
A friend once shared with me, “We are given tests so that one day they may be testimonies.” What if our moments of brokenness can serve a greater good? What if we are given these weakness and difficulties so that we can be an example of God’s working in us and through us?
Follow me for a moment, imagine a warrior of old, a knight in shining armor if you will. Now put them through years of combat and war. Their armor isn’t going to make it through unscathed. There will be dents, scratches, and repairs. But I’d take the warrior in battle-tested armor over a shining, polished, untested one if my life was on the line.
What if we use that lens for looking at brokenness and imperfection? Maybe, just maybe, we develop our greatness when we embrace our broken pieces and our failures, while continuing forward. That the tapestry of life is made beautiful and whole with the contrast between brokenness and greatness. That, just maybe, God’s finished work is only complete when we give all the pieces over for God’s masterpiece, not just the pieces we deem acceptable.
May even my grief and brokenness become, in some way, a gift to the world around me. May my whole life be an offering.
Shannon Vielmann is a La Sierra University alum, wife, mother of two, and business owner.
These reflections stand alone, but if you want to enjoy the prayers from May It Be So that they’re based on, please click here to request a copy of the book.