Like most moms, I had moments of worry during my pregnancies. I had gestational diabetes, so I was worried about what I ate and when I ate it. Was the baby going to be too big? Would the baby have diabetes? There was a moment that I vividly remember when I thought to myself, “I can’t wait until she’s born, and I can stop worrying about her.” Go ahead and laugh – I still laugh about that extremely naïve thought.
No one can worry like a mom. Most of our time is spent worrying about our kids. Are they eating the right food? Have they had too much screen time? Are they reading at the right level? Are they making good choices? Do they have good friends? Are they KIND???
When I saw the list of names for this Advent blog, I wanted to write about Tamar or Rahab. Easier characters to relate to. These women had real, human experiences. I can understand their struggles.
However, here I am writing about Mary. A perceived example of perfect motherhood. I absolutely cannot relate. I’ve spent a few weeks pondering her life and trying to put myself in her story.
Did she ever worry about Jesus? Did Mary ever lay in bed at night worrying about the events of the day? Did she ever wonder if she was worthy? Or was her faith so strong that she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, resting fully in God’s promise? I think it was a little bit of both.
It’s obvious that Mary had a different approach to life, even as a child. She lived a life that made God choose her to carry the human form of his Son. God found favor in her. God chose Mary to set the foundation of who Jesus was as a human. Not an easy assignment, and I don’t think she took it lightly.
Yes, Mary was not your average woman, but every mom knows that there’s nothing quite like a toddler to test your patience. Did Mary worry about Jesus? From the start, someone was trying to kill or destroy Him. Did she want to shelter and protect her son from the people that wanted to hurt him? I can’t imagine that as the end of the story began to unfold, she didn’t worry.
After Jesus was born, it says in Luke 2:19 that Mary “treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” The thesaurus says that ponder and worry are semantically related, and in some cases, you can use “worry” instead of “ponder.”
I don’t think that she stopped pondering or worrying as Jesus got older. As much as I am convinced that Mary did worry about Jesus, I keep circling back to her faith. God had been watching her. God had found favor with her. God chose her to raise His Son.
What if we put ourselves in the same place? God chose me to be Sydney’s and Owen’s mom. God chose me to raise them, keep them safe, and help them to be loving and kind.
I often worry that I am not worthy to raise these amazing humans. I worry about their education, their friends, their future. While my children aren’t going to save the world, they are bound for greatness, for they are children of God.
What if I endeavored to change my worry to faith, a faith like Mary’s? A faith that allows me to ponder and then fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow at night, resting fully in God’s promise.
Andrea Torres is a displaced Northern Californian, married to Val Torres and a worrying mother to Sydney (14) and Owen (10). When she’s not at work at the Conference office, she’s spending time with her family, or at one of Sydney’s volleyball games.